Southern Karma Page 3

  A slow smile curved my lips. I kissed Axel on the cheek. “Call me later. I think I may be able to get us the time watch.”

  “You’re the one who wants it.”

  “We need it. Mattie the Cat told me.”

  “And cats are usually right about these sorts of things?”

  “Mattie is.”

  I climbed out and raced inside, being sure to pat Jennie the guard-vine as I swept across the porch. I threw the door open and found Betty and Wilma—her new best friend—along with Amelia and Cordelia sitting down to supper.

  Amelia smiled brightly. “You got here just in time to try the poke salad.”

  My stomach turned. “You mean the vegetable that might kill me?”

  Amelia frowned. “I’ve had two bites, and I’m not dead.”

  Cordelia, mine and Amelia’s first cousin, tossed a long strand of blonde hair over one shoulder. “I’m not even looking at it. I don’t want to risk it.”

  “Well, I think it’s delicious,” Wilma said.

  Betty raised her corncob pipe. “I second that.”

  “One bite,” I said, “and if it kills me, I’ll never forgive you.”

  Amelia fixed my plate. “You can sue me.”

  “I’ll be dead.”

  She shrugged. “Then you can come back as a ghost and wreak havoc on my life.”

  “Deal,” I said.

  Turned out the poke salad, a green leafy vegetable that grows wild in the South, was delicious. Of course, you season anything with bacon and ham hocks and it’s bound to be awesome. Poke salad was no different.

  But that did not stop me from cornering Amelia a short time later. We were in the kitchen washing up when I turned to her.

  “So I guess you’ve got a busy weekend ahead with the haunted house.”

  “Yeah,” she said lazily as she dried a plate.

  “Is everything okay?”

  Amelia gave the plate a last good swipe and stowed it in the cabinet. “Yeah. Everything’s fine. It’s just, you’re right. I am busy. There’s a lot going on.”

  I made my eyes wide. It couldn’t hurt to look innocent when I said, “Yeah, I mean, what if something happens at the Vault, what are you going to do?”

  She shook her head. “I know. Erasmus trusted me with the key—hold on a minute.”

  “What?” I said in a light, airy voice.

  Her mouth clamped hard, and she shot me a glare that made my insides wither. Who knew Amelia had it in her? She was always so sweet, so dingy, for lack of a better word. Not that I was trying to be insulting, but if there was anyone who the phrase bless your heart was created for, it was Amelia.

  “How do you know about the Vault?”

  I hitched a shoulder. “You said you were busy with other things. I talked to Erasmus; he said he didn’t have the key. I put two and two together.” I clicked my tongue. “I am super smart.”

  “Why were you talking to Erasmus?”

  The door swung open and in walked Cordelia. “Betty and her new best friend are trying to entice me into a game of canasta. I came in here to hide.” She glanced at Amelia’s screwed-up face and shot a concerned look to me. “Everything okay?”

  What the heck? Might as well tell them. “No. Everything’s not okay. Rufus is back.”

  Amelia led me over to a chair. “Tell us everything.”

  So I did. I told them about the visit, the gorgon, the time watch. All of it.

  My fingers trembled around the cup of tea that Amelia had poured for me. “So you see, we can’t trust Rufus. I need that time watch, if nothing else to make sure he doesn’t get his hands on it. You remember what happened when he showed up last time?”

  Amelia’s pale skin ghosted. Her blue eyes shone brightly like hot coals under her thick lashes. “That time watch…if I’m caught stealing it, I will be thrown in prison.”

  I sank into the chair. “I know. I don’t expect you to risk that for me. I mean, Rufus might not even want it.”

  Cordelia flipped her hair over her shoulder. “Right. And I’m a monkey’s behind.”

  “Sometimes you look like one,” Amelia said. “You know, when you screw up your face really hard. You look kind of like a little butthole when you do that.”

  Cordelia grabbed a porcelain salt shaker and made to throw it. “Take it back.”

  “If you wish,” Amelia said. “I take back that you sometimes look like a butthole.”

  I burst into laughter and tears. Both at the same time. I guess the stress was getting to me.

  Amelia and Cordelia exchanged sad, sorry glances.

  Amelia traced a thumb over her lips. “Okay. It’s against all policy, but I understand what’s at stake.”

  Hope swelled in my chest. “You’ll do it?”

  She nodded solemnly. “I’ll get the time watch for you. Tomorrow.”

  FOUR

  Halloween night had arrived. The day had been cloudy with a brisk wind drifting through the air. I’d wondered if rain would ruin the festivities, but Betty had said to me, “Don’t you worry about it, kid. Not once has it rained in Magnolia Cove on Halloween, and it’s not about to start now.”

  “Oh? How’s that?”

  She pressed her thumb to one nostril. Magical sparks snorted from the other, drifting up into the sky and apparently seeding the clouds.

  She scratched the silver curled wig atop her head. “That should take care of it.”

  A thought had occurred to me. There was no nice way to ask, so I just let it spew. “Why do you wear a wig?”

  “Because I’m bald underneath.”

  “I realize that. But why are you bald?”

  Betty smoothed her floral body apron—you know, the kind old women wear with the pockets on the bottom and the thick shoulder straps. “A story for another time. You mind your business and I just might tell you.”

  “I’d rather not mind my business.”

  “A true Craple, even though your last name is Dunn.”

  I smiled. “I consider that a compliment. So what’s your job for tonight?”

  “I’m going to introduce Wilma to our Southern Halloween festival.”

  “Oh? I’ve seen some of it, but what makes it Southern?”

  Betty smiled. “Just you wait until tonight. I’ll show you everything.”

  I spent most of the day worried about Rufus and freaking out about whether or not we’d be able to fool Mythica with a fake time watch. That was Rufus’s job. Make a great imposter.

  It wasn’t like Mythica had even seen the real one, so how would she know a fake?

  That thought made me feel a whole bowl of shrimp and grits better.

  Amelia, Cordelia and I dressed up as the witches from the movie Hocus Pocus. Amelia was Sarah Jessica Parker, I was Bette Midler and Cordelia went as the other actress who wasn’t nearly as famous so I never remembered her name.

  “I don’t know why I have to be the frumpy one,” Cordelia groaned.

  “I’m a bucktoothed fifty-year-old,” I said. “Keep some perspective.”

  Cordelia shrugged.

  But our costumes were great. No, I did not put in false teeth to buck mine out. I decided to skip that part.

  Or at least I had until we ran into Betty downstairs. She was dressed as Elvira—a very old Elvira. Like, if Elvira’s mother had visited her on set, that would be Betty. Before you ask—yes, her wrinkled boobs were nearly hanging out.

  “What the heck?” Amelia said.

  “Don’t I look great?” Betty said, plumping her black wig.

  I swallowed the first answer that sprang into my throat because it wasn’t very nice. “Yes, you look amazing.”

  She stared at me. “You don’t have buck teeth.”

  “No, and I don’t—“

  She pointed a finger at me. The next thing I knew, I’d sprouted giant beaver biters.

  “Ah! What’ve you done to me?” I said, but it came out more like, “Fluff’ve you done to fe?”

  Everyone burst into
laughter. Well, everyone but me.

  “This is not funny,” I said, ignoring the ridiculous sounds that came from my mouth. “I’m supposed to see Axel!”

  “What’s he going as?” Amelia said, “A beaver dam?”

  They all burst into another obnoxious fit of laughter. I glared flaming arrows at them.

  “This isn’t funny.”

  Betty knuckled tears from her eyes. She pointed another finger at me. Magic zapped my mouth, but when I touched my teeth, they hadn’t changed.

  “Oh,” Betty said, “I forgot my spells on Halloween last at least two hours.”

  “Two hours?” I fumed. “You’re lying. Fix it.”

  Cordelia adjusted the padding under her dress. “I wish she was, but she isn’t. That’s true. It’s something about Halloween and Betty’s magic. It’s weird.”

  I ground my teeth. “Whatever. I just won’t talk to Axel.” I pointed an accusatory finger at my grandmother. “And don’t think I’m going to forget this, because I won’t.”

  “Now that I think of it,” Betty said to Cordelia, “you’re not fat enough for that role.”

  Cordelia’s eyes rounded. Before a whisper of protest could escape her lips, Betty zapped her, too. Pillows that had been stuffed under her skirt dropped to the floor. Cordelia’s face swelled, and so did the rest of her.

  I laughed so hard. Thank goodness it wasn’t just me. Yes!

  “You’re so in trouble,” Cordelia said to Betty. “Don’t worry, when Pepper and I are through with you, you’ll never want to work magic again.”

  Betty leaned her head down like a bull about to charge. “Go for it, girls. Make me young and beautiful just like my costume.”

  Cordelia and I glanced at Amelia. My cousin backed up. “Oh no, I’m perfect. Betty’s screwed with my looks before. No thanks.”

  Before Betty could pounce on Amelia and give her bigger boobs or a real mole on her chin—you know, something that would really kill her self-esteem—the doorbell rang.

  Wilma stood outside wearing a traditional witch costume. She rubbed her hands and laughed. “Don’t the three of you look wonderful?”

  “You’re wearing what you are?” Amelia said. “That’s no fun.”

  Wilma glanced at her costume in surprise.

  “We’re dressed as what we are,” I said to Amelia. “We’re witches. They were witches in the movie. Not much of a stretch.”

  Cordelia grabbed my arm. “Come on. Let’s get out of here.”

  The three of us snatched our cast-iron skillets and headed out into the dark night.

  Once outside I turned to Amelia. “Did you get the time watch?”

  She slipped her hand into a pocket sewn in her dress and pulled out what looked to be an ordinary men’s pocket watch.

  Cordelia leaned over. “Are you sure that’s it?”

  “Yes, I’m sure.” Amelia opened it. Behind the glass the hands turned as gears whirled. The face of the clock was missing, but in the very core of it was a small green crystal.

  “That’s a magical emerald,” Amelia explained. “I don’t know how the watch works, only that it does. What time is the gorgon supposed to be here?”

  I glanced at my phone. “Eight o’clock. I’m meeting up with Axel a little before then. Rufus is supposed to show up, too.”

  Amelia slipped the piece into my hand. She closed it with her other and locked gazes with me. “This can’t be found on me. If it is, I’m fired for sure. I’m giving it to you for safekeeping. Don’t lose it, break it, breath on it wrong or even cross your eyes at it. Keep it in the safest place you can think of.”

  “Like where?” I said.

  “Your boobs,” Cordelia said drily. “As long as no one feels you up, you should be fine.”

  “Oh Lord. Did you just suggest that some stranger might feel me up?”

  “Witches, no. I’m talking about Axel.”

  “Right.”

  Visitors already milled about the streets, filling Magnolia Cove to bursting. It was easy to tell they weren’t from town because they pointed fingers at the life-size skeletons and the inflatable spiders, oohing and ahhing over how hard the little folks of this seemingly normal Southern town had worked.

  Yeah, right. If they only knew all we had to do was snap our fingers and make magic, I’m pretty sure the tops of their heads would blow smack off.

  Trick-or-treaters spilled out onto the streets. Kids were dressed in vampire and werewolf costumes, outfits from the latest Star Wars movie and fairy princess costumes.

  The road had been shut down, and vendors lined the sides.

  Amelia glanced at her watch. “I’ve got to get to the courthouse. That’s the haunted house this year. It’s my shift.”

  We said our goodbyes and walked until we ran into our cousin Carmen, the candymaker. She had a table lined with chocolate bats, candy eyeballs on sticks and even spider cookies.

  “Wow. Those look great,” Cordelia said. “If only they wouldn’t add any extra pounds to my already booming waistline.”

  Carmen, who was tall with deep red hair, cackled. She wore her witch outfit well. “Let me guess, Betty did that to you?”

  “And she gave me buck teeth,” I said.

  Carmen hid her laughter behind a hand. She leaned over conspiratorially. “Tell you what. I know a great way to get back at her.”

  “I would give you my firstborn to know how,” Cordelia said.

  Carmen glanced left and right. “This is what you do—”

  “You’d better not be telling my secrets, Carmen, or I’ll make your panties itch every day for the rest of your life.”

  Carmen blanched as Betty walked up. “Never. I would never say anything against you.”

  “We would.”

  Duo voices made my head turn. Behind us stood Licky and Mint, Amelia’s and Cordelia’s mothers, respectively.

  Oh yes. Cha-ching! If anyone knew how to get under Betty’s skin, it was my aunts. They were chaos witches to the utmost. I would have to corner them later and find out all the good info.

  Betty fisted her hands to her hips. “You two aren’t here to screw anything up, are you?”

  “Of course not,” Mint scoffed. “We’re here to make sure everything is great.”

  “Yeah,” Licky said. “We won’t.”

  “Screw anything up,” Mint added.

  “Never.”

  “We’re here to help,” Mint said.

  Betty’s gaze could’ve melted flesh from bone. “Just keep it that way.”

  A warm hand snaked around my waist. I glanced up and did a double take. Axel stood beside me, his chest completely bare. My gaze drifted from the tuft of hair between his pecks to his washboard stomach and kept going until I saw the loincloth slung over his hips.

  My breath hitched.

  “Nice teeth,” he said.

  I think I growled, but I’m not sure. “Who are you?”

  He winked. “Me, Tarzan. You, Jane.”

  The lack of clothing proved he wasn’t lying. “I think you look better than the Naked Cowboy who plays in Times Square.”

  A questioning glint lit his eyes. “I’m going to assume that’s good.”

  I grabbed his hand. “Every woman in a five-block radius probably already knows about you and plans to pay a visit before the night’s over.”

  Axel laughed. He glanced at my family, all of whom had drool hanging from their lips except for Cordelia. She only had eyes for Garrick Young, her boyfriend.

  “Mind if I steal this little lady for a while?” Axel said.

  Betty’s eyes washed from Axel’s head to his feet and then back up. “Don’t come home pregnant.”

  I gritted my teeth so hard I’m surprised they didn’t break. “Okay. Well, I’ll work really hard to keep my corset on. I’m sure my beaver teeth will help.”

  Axel led me down the street. There were vendors and more vendors. Hay-stuffed scarecrows danced, and live bats hung from the buildings.

  It was per
haps the most impressive thing I’d seen while I’d been in Magnolia Cove. I couldn’t keep the awe from my voice when I said, “Wow. This is seriously amazing.”

  Axel wrapped an arm around me. “You like it?”

  “Love it. I always thought Christmas was my favorite holiday, but Halloween might win this year.”

  He brushed his lips across my temple. “Christmas is amazing, too. Just wait until you see it. There’s live snowmen, magical snow, all kinds of treats.”

  I gripped his arm with glee. “Please. Tell me everything.”

  “Well,” he said proudly, “the whole town smells like cinnamon and sugar.”

  “I might die thinking about it.”

  “Don’t die yet,” cackled a voice. “Not until you’ve used one of my cauldrons.”

  I glanced over at a hunched older woman with a black shroud draped over her shoulders. She had a hooked nose with a giant wart on the tip. Long gray hair hung in stringy strands over her shoulders.

  “Come, dearie, you’ve never tried a cauldron until you’ve used one of mine. Allow me to introduce myself,” she said, bowing. “I’m Florence Scalding.”

  I glanced at Axel, who had an impatient look on his face. “Listen, I’d love to hear what you’ve got, but we really must be going.”

  “Looking for a cauldron that will give you tranquility?” She grabbed my arm and dragged me through her collection. “Or perhaps you need some iron that’s been tinged with perfection? Every spell you cast will come out exactly as it’s supposed to, whether or not you did it correctly.”

  “Really, we have to go,” Axel said.

  Our impatience only seemed to heighten Florence’s anxiety. “No. Wait! I’ve got whatever cauldron you want.” She glanced side to side uneasily. “Even one that will help seal the deal.” The tinker winked toward Axel, insinuating that I needed help capturing him.

  “I’ve got to go, really.” I yanked my arm from her and grabbed Axel. “Wow. She was something else.”

  “Florence is. Sells her cauldrons every year.”

  “She looks hideous.”

  “It’s a disguise. Like everyone else. Her cauldrons are the real deal. I’ve just never needed one.”

  I glanced over my shoulder to see Florence snag another unwitting witch. “What about the regular people?”